Ideal Christmas Gifts: Product Review

The – – Ladies and gentlemen I give you the

Microwave Egg Poacher.

Simply place your egg into the containment unit, set the microwave for one of your earth minutes, and once the timer alerts you to the fact that your minute is up, open the oven door.
The egg will be
GONE!
How is it poached exactly? A kind of sped-up slow-cooking process?
A temperature adjustment of some kind midway through?
No way man! No way, you idiot!
Using anti-drip technology and harnessing the powers of quantum entanglement, a portal sends the egg out to the Land of the Grogochs, and one of them receives the egg in his firetop pot, whereupon he or a close family member gobbles up that poached egg pretty quickly.
What – pray tell – is a Grogoch?
YOUR NEW PENPAL!

For a small subscription fee, your sponsored grogoch will send you letters and photos direct to your online device, showing you how much he appreciates your eggs.

Grogochs are fairies who have lived in Ireland for thousands of years, originally from Scotland, naked and covered in twigs and other detritus that they have picked up over the course of their long, bucket-carrying lives.
Like many in the fair-folk community, the grogoch has a rational and natural fear of the clergy – they won’t enter any home where there’s a priest present.

The grogoch will also send you a recipe book about how to cook SIX KINDS OF EGGS.

Fried.
Boiled.
Cadbury’s Creme
Ostrich.
Stolen by a grogoch.
Other kinds.
NO MATTER WHAT, YOU WILL ENJOY YOUR POACHED EGG EVEN THOUGH YOU’VE DONATED IT TO THIS MAGICAL CREATURE.
Thanks to a 28-day guarantee, you can save up to 90 percent of the costs of the whole kit by selling photos of this incredible creature to the media. They won’t believe it.
Thank you bye.

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