Americans I HATE YOU!

You! Idiots!

What are you doing with this stuff? Look!
Look at what you return to us, in leprachaun form: LUCKY CHARMS?

This is no accident of nature!

It’s got marshmallows in it FOR! BREAKFAST!

There are generic versions here too – competing with marshmallow-breakfast rivals. There should be no marshmallow breakfast competitors.

There should be no marshmallow breakfasts.

Why is it so very important?
Isn’t there ENOUGH sugar?

Why? Do you think for ONE SECOND that you can be both as beautiful as you are AND provide marshmallows for breakfast? It defies logic. It is appalling.

AND MCDONALD’S? Slow down everybody!
We’re eating the beef and the Japanese is getting too tall to WORK THE MACHINERY!

And this one:

She has keys for eyes all the better to unlock your common sense! And a capo on the other eye to change the key whenever she wants! Except even SHE couldn’t manage it.
ON THE COVER OF A RUPERT MURDEROCK BROADSHEET!
My life was going brilliantly until SHE came along.
DON’T LOOK IN HER EYES! SHE WOULD KILL YOU WITH HER COMPASSIONATE GLOBAL POLICIES IN THE ONE EYE AND DRONE-BOMB YOU WITH THE OTHER!
Let me ask you, America: Why?
Why, America?
Why?

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