EXCLUSIVE: Mr Trump’s Italian Ban in his Properties

Although very fond of Mexican cuisine, Mr Donald Tump apparently prevented the cooking of pasta and the delivery of pizza to his rental properties for three decades. His rationale for the ban on Italian food – it can now be revealed – was his apparent personal conflict with spaghetti.
A spokesperson from the Trump camp – speaking out for the conditions of the economy – claimed that The Donald finds eating spaghetti “a complex challenge.”

Because of his short, chubby, clumpy fingers, Mr Chump finds the fork-spinning technique favored by spaghetti-eaters prohibitive to his fine dining experiences.

When in a restaurant that solely sells shells, lasagne and other pastas on its menu, Mr Chub has been known to order spaghetti only when instructed to do so by his campaign advisor Vladimir Putin.

The theory is that he must overcome his fear if he does not want to appear to have an “anti-pasto” bias.

His inability to eat spaghetti has not prevented Mr Clump’s Italian fluency due to his high intelligence. He learned two decades ago – for instance – that lengthening words, adding -ina or -ini to the end, makes them diminutive – in Italian.

A cup, for instance – as Mr Tump found out on a trip to a Milan lingerie store with one of his best pals, and with a child model whom they were spoiling at the time – is tazza, but a small cup is tazzina.

On one recent occasion, Mr Grump was seen attracting the non-English-speaking chef from the kitchen at a New York restaurant, and he stood in the middle of the room with his eyes squinted to make sure the chef knew he was serious.

He placed an index finger and thumb near each other, indicating something miniscule. Then he simply uttered the word “Spaghetititinini-tiniwini-tiniwini,” still squinting and pouting so that the chef completely understood the deal. “And do it…bigly,” Mr Dunk added, snorting loudly.

The chef held Mr Dump’s stare before being instructed to cut the spaghetti up to make it more manageable for Gomp’s refined palate by a very racist aide of Mr Gronk’s through hand gestures – three out of seven of which were offensive – before he escorted the chef back into the kitchen.

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