You. Hey you! I’m talking to you – take off that lumberjack shirt and c’mere to me for a second!
Do YOU have a big beard?
In Ireland, if you have a BIG BUSHY BEARD, then YOU qualify for a mortgage!
DO YOU THINK I’M KIDDING?
Here’s how the banks have worked it out, based on multiples of income and the value of the property:
If you farken have
a big farken bushy farken beard,
then you farken qualify.
Look it up online if you still don’t believe me.
SO GROW THAT BEARD OUT!
There’s no need to do a big song and farken dance about it UNLESS YOU WANT TO!
YEAH! That’s what it’s all about!
Go on! DANCE! DANCE! DANCE!
SO PUT DOWN THE FARKEN BONG THIS MORNING, FELLAS, AND GO GET YOURSELVES A FARKEN MORTGAGE, YOU BEARDY FARKEN BASTARDS!!!
Banks are regulated in such a way that they can arbitrarily give bearded men and women money.