My ailments

This is a small list of my ailments. I only deal with one indepth here, but they are all very worrying concerns in their own way.

Magical Lopsided Butt-Wiping Tendencies

The Magical Lopsided Butt-Wiping Phenomenon is where you wipe your bum, and a streak appears on the tissue off to the side a little, and then you compensate by wiping that specific area in the next wipe, and then it appears very clean as if the area has been wiped thoroughly.

So you do one more courtesy wipe up the central trench, and the streak appears off to the side again. I mean, is the poop there or not? It’s MAGIC[al Lopsided Butt-Wiping]!

BY THE WAY: Anyone who says I’m being disgusting talking about all this re-appearing poop because they don’t even LOOK at the toilet paper can kiss my nice clean ass – and your bum is probably dirty!!!

That’s right – your repulsion and revulsion for poopy things are manifestations OF YOUR OWN FILTHY ASS!!!

Anyway, my other ailments include:

Sore (Itchy) Writing Finger
Misfortunate Episodes Syndrome
TV Remote Confusion
Small Poop Production (or Rabbit Faeces Disorder)
Anti-French Bias 
Legitimate Hand-Eye Coordinative Crapness
A Fierce Intolerance of Conservative American opinion 
Guitar-String Tone Deafness
Sixpack Prevention Candy Eating Syndrome
Hispanophonic Incomprehension (or “Ack-ack-ack Phobia”)

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