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“Thronecast, only on Sky Atlantic”? Well, it’s also on Sky Atlantic +1, isn’t it? Once again you’ve been caught out in your vile mendacity, Mr Murdoch!

At the height of summer, bring a whistle with you wherever you go. If you pass any informal football kickarounds on the street or just off it, stop, blow your whistle and shout “Lads, you’re going to have to play this one out!” and, as you move off again, point your finger and move it in a circular motion until you’ve disappeared.

That twatbag Trump still banging on about a ban on Muslims. You can’t BAN people from anywhere! You ban THINGS, like smoking. You BAR people. ‪#‎KnowYourFascism‬. #MuslimSmokersLounge‬

BBC’s Crimewatch Roadshow did a piece about the dangers of shining laser pens into the sky at helicopter cockpits at night. They even showed footage of how powerfully the light diffracts off the windshield, compounding sight problems for the pilot. Thanks for that, Crime Tips Roadshow!

How to Cook Well with Rory O’Connell is on TV now. We’ll assume Rory’s a good chef. So if Rory’s here, I won’t have to cook. I can watch and learn. But cooking well WITHOUT Rory O’Connell would be quite an achievement.

Foreign accent syndrome is a lot like alcoholism or heroin use: Once you fall into the trap of a diction, it’s very difficult to get out.

“I don’t understand the formula!” says a panicked finance student.
“But you can apply it?”
“Okay. I can’t help you with the maths. And you know what I don’t really understand? Electricity. But it doesn’t stop me watching the television!”
“I suppose.”
“Believe me, a few years from now you’ll be on the big money, happily running data through your system and relaying the output down to the market floor traders, inadvertently destroying the world economy.”
“Are you sure?”
These kids need a confidence boost coz they’ll be in charge of our futures! And other financial instruments!

When you don’t switch to the symbol keyboard on a smartphone, you can often hit the m character instead of the question mark. You can get away with this typo by pretending that you’ve given an interrogative little hum at the end of your question, you knowm
What do you think of that new Warcraft moviem

Is it more Clash of the Titans, or Lord of the Ringsm

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